The #1 Mistake Parents Make with NeuroDiverse Teens (And What to Do Instead)

If you're parenting a kid with executive functioning challenges, chances are you've fallen into one of two camps — and neither one is working the way you hoped.

Camp one: You tell your kid exactly what to do. Every time. And when they still don't do it, you feel frustrated, defeated, and honestly a little resentful.

Camp two: You do everything for them. Because it's just easier, right? Except now your teen is heading toward high school and can't manage a homework assignment without you standing over their shoulder.

Sound familiar? Don't worry — you're not failing. You're just missing one key piece of the puzzle: the coach approach.

First, a little self-check. Before you change anything, take a few days to observe yourself. Watch how you interact with your kids — do you treat your NeuroDiverse child differently than your other kids? At the end of the day, how do you feel? Exhausted? Worried? Or steady and at peace? None of these answers are wrong. They're just information.

Now, here's the shift. The goal isn't to be hands-off or hands-on — it's to be in the middle. Like a coach on the sidelines who believes in the player, gives guidance, but ultimately lets the kid run the play.

Here's what that looks like in real life:

Pause before you react. When your kid does something — or doesn't do something — take a breath before you jump in. That pause gives you just enough space to choose your response instead of default to your habit.

Ask before you tell. Instead of "you should start with your math homework," try "what do you think is a good place to start?" or "how would you approach that?" You're not being passive — you're training them to think.

Then get out of the way. Let them try. Even if their plan isn't how you'd do it. Say something like, "okay, that's a good start — I'm stepping back, come find me if you need me." And mean it.

Yes, it will feel awkward at first. Old habits are stubborn. But over time, something incredible happens: your kid starts to believe they can figure things out. That confidence is the seed of real independence.

One more thing: catch them doing something right. If your kid only hears what they did wrong, they'll shrink. But when you genuinely notice and name what's working — even small things — they start moving toward more of that. Their confidence grows. Their self-esteem follows.

You're not doing anything wrong. You're just learning a new play. And trust me — both you and your kid are going to be so much happier for it.

Colleen Yanez is an executive functioning coaching and works with teens of all backgrounds.  If you have questions about your teen and what might help, give her a call or send an email!  720-334-8125, colleen@thekeycoach.org